Managing Loneliness During the Holidays

While the holidays are advertised as a season for joy and celebration, many people struggle with the inevitable feeling of loneliness and isolation. In fact, some people might experience a greater intensity of loneliness during the holiday season than any other time of year. One research study showed that atleast 40 percent of Americans regularly feel lonely, with younger adult and older adult populations experiencing it most. With these statistics, some people even go far enough to say that we might be experiencing an “epidemic of loneliness.”

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Loneliness is described as being in a state of mind where you feel empty, alone or unwanted. It can be attributed to many different factors. Some examples include feeling a lack of connection in current relationships, experiencing the loss of a loved one, missing a family member that is not in close proximity, experiencing rejection, having a family fallout, yearning for an ex-partner, feeling socially isolated, or even having underlying physical health conditions and mental health conditions that prevent you from fully immersing yourself in the holiday spirit. As the holidays are approaching, it’ll be important to learn how to  maneuver through the challenges of loneliness in efforts to remain positive and hopeful.

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1. Acknowledge Your Loneliness

Let’s face it…no one wants to admit that they are lonely. Unfortunately, it comes with a societal stigma, where people feel more comfortable saying they are stressed, anxious or depressed rather than acknowledging their feeling of loneliness. Being in denial prolongs the issue with not being able to make meaningful changes. Taking the first step to acknowledge it will be needed in efforts to start resolving it.  

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2. Avoid comparisons

Now more than ever, people’s experience of the holidays can be misleading as you scroll through social media. Social media has a way of making everything seem “almost perfect.” You may be tempted to believe that everyone is experiencing more joy and celebration than you, when the reality may be completely different. Does viewing other people’s  social media posts invoke certain negative emotions like jealousy, low self-worth, sadness or even anger? Limiting this type of exposure or even cutting back on it completely for a certain time period can be just what you need to maintain your emotional well-being. You may also need to catch yourself over-comparing and over-reminiscing on previous holidays that seemed “more fun.” Instead, work towards staying in the present moment. This allows you to gain healthier perspectives so you can start forming new holiday traditions and memories.

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3. Remind yourself that it’s not just you

Knowing that other people also deal with loneliness helps you understand that you have the same opportunity as everyone else…to find ways to overcome it. Just keep in mind that you will want to prevent further leaning into your own loneliness as you acknowledge others’ loneliness.

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4. Avoid isolation

Loneliness is usually accompanied by feelings of self-criticism and shame. A common response deals with jumping to the conclusion that you’re better off alone and don’t need anyone. But thinking this way is detrimental to your well-being. Instead, it’ll be important to intentionally surround yourself with others. Engaging in social activities such as volunteering can be helpful. There are many ways to get involved in your community during the holiday season such as serving at a soup kitchen or donating warm blankets to those in need. Other social activities can help with accomplishing some New Year goals, such as joining a fitness group, connecting to people with similar interests by joining a Meetup group, or even finding new friends through Bumble BFF. All these things can remind you of the value in forming human connections. Remember this…people need people. We are all wired for human connection, no matter how introverted or extroverted. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to cease those opportunities, even if they come with some letdowns or awkward feelings at the beginning…that’s all part of the journey when it comes to finding “your person” or “your tribe.”

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5. Practice Gratitude

When feeling lonely, you may find yourself thinking very negatively. Remember to write down the things in your life that are working in your favor and that you feel grateful for. This is a great idea to consider during the Thanksgiving season. For example, maybe you feel like you don’t have the best support system but you’re grateful that you feel valued and appreciated at work. Other things to be grateful for may include being in good health, having a stable home to go to, or having a supportive family. Thinking this way allows you to re-shift your mind by focusing more on the positive.

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6. Create and maintain a routine or schedule

Sometimes, not knowing what your day may look like can exacerbate your loneliness since it feels like you don’t have a plan or purpose. This can then translate into believing that your loneliness is permanent. Including more daily structure allows you to feel satisfied with implementing healthy levels of self-control. Some ideas include reserving the mornings for a 30-minute workout or a 15-minute meditation, scheduling an evening for some self-care, or reserving the weekends for participation in atleast one social activity. Also, keep in mind to set realistic expectations with your schedule by recognizing that some days may pose a challenge with completing everything. If this happens, try your best to be easy on yourself while continuing to put forth the effort in following the schedule.

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7. Move

Spending time engaging in physical movement helps clear the mind and improve the mood. Physical activities include walking, dancing, running, cardio, weight lifting and much more. Even getting out of the bed and spending more time outside is an improvement. Some outdoor holiday ideas may be visiting a pumpkin patch or walking around the park to see Christmas lights. The options are endless in regards to how you can physically get up and move your body to help ease the feelings of loneliness.

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8. Reframe your loneliness into solitude

Sometimes feeling lonely is inevitable and it can even last a while.  As you realize this, you are faced with the choice of letting it consume you or you can proactively turn it into something that is more positive and meaningful. Ask yourself…what is something that you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the chance with getting around to? Is it pursuing a new hobby, de-cluttering, completing a puzzle, painting, or cooking a new recipe? All these activities can serve as outlets to further process and deal with any intense feelings of loneliness.

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9. Reach out to others

Sometimes it’s easy to forget the people who may have been there all along, such as a family member, a close childhood friend or co-worker. While it may not seem like your usual thing to do, reaching out through phone or text to see how they are doing can be the first step with initiating a deeper connection. For example, rather than just wishing someone a “Happy New Year,” why not add on to that conversation by elaborating the following: “It’s been a while. How have you been? I look forward to hearing all about it.” These conversations entail you actively listening and engaging. It’s important to remember that people want to feel heard. Giving someone in your life a chance to share opens up a whole new window of opportunity to become closer while temporarily removing the burden of feeling stuck with your own state of loneliness.

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10. Seek professional help

Professional mental health treatment, such as medication management or talk therapy, allows you to share and acknowledge your current struggles without any judgment. A mental health professional not only listens but can provide you with the necessary tools and resources to get by. They can also help you to identify and cope with loneliness triggers. This in turn can help normalize your symptoms and allow you to become more self-aware.

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Conclusion

In all, while loneliness is not “fun” to feel, it’s important to challenge the assumption that you can’t do anything about it. These strategies not only allow you to realize that you can get through this difficult season but that you can also experience moments of enlightenment, joy, curiosity and even celebration in the present moment, which can further instill hope for your future.

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